It had been a while since I last e-strolled the Rolling Stone "500 Greatest Songs of All
Time," so Brittany’s
reference in her ode to Pink/Mercury yesterday inspired a return visit. Starting
from the back, I was slightly yet immediately unnerved. Coming in at #494 is R.
Kelly’s "Ignition," narrowly defeating the Stones’ juicy "Brown Sugar" (#495)
and Weezer’s hip anthem "Buddy Holly" (#499).
Now obviously Mick, Keith, Rivers, and their respective
gangs get more love further up the list, but really? R. Kelly? A "500 Most Epic
Fails" list, certainly, but what is there to like about the cheesy
elevator music backgrounds and an utter lack of any lyrical or musical creativity
– other than those cuddly Duke undernerds whose music video cover became a
YouTube sensation back before Facebook had even left the Ivies?
But I digress. We’re here to talk about songs worth
listening to, YouTubes worth watching. Like some creepy, kooky, scintillating
Alice Cooper. Their (because then it was the band’s name, not just the adopted
moniker of Vincent Furnier – interesting trivia, eh? Thanks, Wikipedia) 1971
release "I’m Eighteen" gets on the RS
board at a pretty underrated #487.
No matter what kind of adolescence you actually had (mine
was relatively anger-free, which I often cite as the leading reason I’ll
never be a good rock musician), this song embodies the general youth experience so perfectly: the awkwardness, the insecurity, the raw manifestations of mental
and sexual maturity coalescing and superseding one another… It’s chaos and it’s
poetry: 'I gotta get outta this place/I go running in outer space.' We’ve all
been on those runs.
But for Alice,
it’s controlled chaos. They don’t take time for the song to develop; they
rock at will, spilling a searing guitar solo from the opening gates and rocking keyboards that
somehow find the magical musical balance of being tight yet sounding loose. And
though Cooper spends some time sitting onstage (I can’t blame him – those
gold-glitter leggings and towering silver platforms would have Gaga drooling
and the rest of us trying to find a more comfortable sitting position), all the sudden he gets up, albeit shakily, ascends to the band leader’s position, and reigns in his
minions, deftly signaling the close of the anthem as if he were Bernstein tying
up Beethoven. A master of his craft.